The Breach (by Indyanna130)

Summary: 13 year old Adam Cartwright struggles between being a boy and becoming a man.

R:  T   WC   (3,570)

 

The Breach

Time: Spring of 1843

Thirteen year old Adam Cartwright sat on the edge of his bed. He was waiting for his father to come upstairs for a ‘necessary talk’ with him. For as long as Adam could remember, a necessary talk had always meant a tanning. Adam knew, also that his father took these ‘talks’ seriously. There would always be the customary five lashes with a belt and then Ben would discuss with him why he was being punished. Then Ben would hug him and tell him that he loved him; there would be no anger or hurt feelings between them. A hurt backside was the only residual after the ‘necessary talk’ was over. Most times Adam knew he deserved to be punished. But not today. He felt right, justified, and would tell his father that after his tanning was over.

Adam hated the waiting. Sometimes it seemed worse than the actual tanning. He had already been dismissed from the dinner table without supper. His step-mother Marie had met her husband at the front door as soon as he walked in the door. Adam, Hoss and Little Joe all shared glances as they tried to hear the hushed words the two adults whispered.

Marie had returned to the table and sat down. Ben had taken his time as he unbuckled his gun belt and place it and his hat on to the credenza behind the front door. All eyes were on him as he walked to his place at the table. He did not sit down, choosing to stand behind his chair. He rested his hands on the back on his chair and turned to look and Adam.

“Adam,” Ben began in a tone of voice that was dark and indicative of controlled anger.

Adam squared his chin and forced his courage forward and spoke, “Sir?”

“You are excused,” his father replied and then looked down at his plate on the table.

Marie watched the silent exchange of questions between the younger Cartwright boys. She could imagine their questions. “Why was Pa upset?” “Why did Adam have to go to his room?” “Is Pa mad at me too?” They didn’t know what was going on, but they dared not make a move. But neither did Adam, who continued to stare at his father.

Ben did not look up when he spoke again. “I said that you are excused,” he stated a little louder and firmer. “Go on to your room. I’ll be up later for our necessary talk.”

Adam could hardly believe what he had just heard. Surely he was too old for a necessary talk; but still, he stood. He pushed his chair back up to the table. He did so slowly, almost in an act of defiance. Adam noticed that Hoss’s eyes began to tear. Hoss knew about necessary talks. At seven, he had already had a few. It was the look on Little Joe’s face that concerned him. Wide eyed after hearing his father speak in such a harsh tone to his beloved oldest brother, he leaned in towards his mother almost hiding behind her. That made Adam angry. How dare his father frighten Joe. But Adam said nothing as he headed for the stairs. He would have his say with his father, but he would not risk a scene now that would upset his brothers further.

As Adam walked up the stairs, he heard a chair scrape the floor. Adam turned and watched as his father pulled out his chair and sat down. Then he heard the most surprising sound. He spoke to Hoss and Joe with a lightness in his voice.

“Boys, did you have a good day today? How was school, Hoss? Where you able to wait until lunch to eat or did you have to steal a pinch of that pie or nibble a chicken leg at recess?” And then Ben laughed.

“Ahw, Pa,” Hoss replied embarrassed. His face turned a slight pink.

“And what about you, little scamp?” Ben asked Little Joe and he reached to tousle his soft curls. “Did you play with your blocks today?”

Joe grinned at his father and scooted from his chair and over to his father, who picked him up and placed him on his lap.

From the top of the stairs, Adam stared down at his family. He didn’t understand the change in his father just then. Maybe, Adam thought, it was to lighten the mood. He could hardly blame him for that. He would have done the same thing. He saw the looks of Hoss and Joe. How they had tried to make themselves still and silent as Ben spoke. They were just too young to understand the grown up relationship he and his father were trying to build; without success most times. They knew nothing of the events that had led up to now and he intended it to stay that way.

Adam got tired of sitting, waiting so he thought of things to do that would occupy his mind. He always kept his room neat and organized so there wasn’t much to straighten up. He walked over to his dresser and straightened his brushes and combs and whatever else lay there. He glanced at his image in the mirror. His hand went to his face and he rubbed it over his chin and cheek. He’d have to start shaving everyday soon. Katie Beth Cameron had told him that after church last Sunday when they had stolen away behind the old building for a kiss. She had been the first girl he had kissed. Adam had noticed other changes in his body as well. He was becoming a man. And to Adam that meant that he should not continue to be treated the same as Hoss and Little Joe. He, himself, gave orders to the hands everyday and when he came home he was treated as a child. That was what had started the argument between him and Marie. Normally the two got along just fine. But today she had pushed him over the edge. He would be glad when he could tell his side of the story. His father would see that he was right and Marie was wrong.

The door opened suddenly and Adam jumped. Ben always knocked. He had always respected their privacy. But tonight he did not knock. Adam turned around quickly and met the angry glare of his father. “Where is your night shirt?” Ben spoke in a tone tempered with self control.

“I, uhm, didn’t, uhm, “Adam faltered noticing that it was a razor strop that his father held in his hand and not a belt.

“Put it on,” Ben continued in the same tone of voice. Adam stood motionless for a moment, not knowing if he was going to be allowed the privacy to undress. When Ben spoke again, Adam knew. “I said put it on.”

From where he was standing, Adam pulled off his boots and his trembling fingers reached for his shirt buttons. He didn’t dare look in to his father’s eyes now as he stripped to his under shorts and then reached for his night shirt and slipped it on. Ben approached him and indicated he was to lie down on the bed. Adam took a deep breath and waited. And then they came.

One. Adam flinched.

Two. Adam held his breath. Only three more to go. He could make it.

Three. He flinched again as one strike hit the same area as the one before.

Four

Five. Adam breathed and readied to move, but his father was not through.

Six. Adam gasped.

Seven. “Pa,” Adam whispered.

Eight. Oh how they stung. Reflectively Adam’s hand went to his backside. “Move it,” his father instructed. Adam’s resolve began to break and a sob threatened to escape, but he held it

Nine. . “Pa, please. Please, Pa,” he cried. And Adam broke, tears streamed down his face and on to the bed. “Please stop”, he begged. Would it ever be over?

Ten. And Adam fell in to sobs

Then Ben stopped. He had never disciplined his son with so many licks, but this time it was necessary. His heart broke as he looked down at his eldest child, sobbing. It had to be this way. He had to break Adam and he felt he had. Yet there was one more thing that Ben did that shocked Adam. It might have been the worst of all. Ben turned towards the door and without a word opened the door. With one more glance at his sobbing son, he closed the door behind him. When Adam realized that there would be no talk tonight, that his father would not speak the usual loving words to him, his sobs turned to utter despair. For he now knew that he had let his father down.

Ben leaned against the door frame just outside Adam’s room and listened for a moment to his son’s sobs. The tears that Adam had not seen in his fathers eyes now spilled over and ran down his cheeks. Marie exited from their room and came and stood beside him. She knew how hard this was for Ben and why. She and Ben had talked recently about the need for Adam to behave more as an adult since he now had added responsibilities. Ben knew that the turning point was now. The argument with Marie had confirmed it. Marie knew also that Ben would explain it to Adam in the next day or two. Marie placed her hand on his arm. “He will know that you still love him, Ben,” she said and offered a small smile then turned and walked back to their room. Ben took a deep breath and then started down the hallway after her. As he stood just inside his room, he could still hear Adam’s sobs. He was thankful that both Hoss and Little Joe were sound asleep and did not have to hear. He had waited until they were asleep before going to Adam’s room. Now he himself was emotionally spent. He listened for a moment longer then shut the door to their room.

Adam crawled up on his bed and buried his face in his pillow as his sobs continued. He tried to stop. It wasn’t the pain in his backside that hurt as much as his father’s walking away from him. He had never done that before. His father must have been so bitterly upset that he could not even stand to be in the same room with him. Fellowship was broken between the two of them and it broke Adam’s heart. His sobs continued for awhile until he was totally exhausted. With the little strength he had left, he closed his eyes and the few tears that he had not brushed away still clung to his cheeks and he fell asleep.

Marie finished pinning up her hair and straightening her bureau as she went. She glanced at Ben’s reflection in the mirror. He looked tired. He hadn’t slept well and had tossed and turned most of the night. She turned to look at him. “What are you going to do about Adam?” she asked.

Ben let go of a long sigh. “I’m not sure, Marie,” he answered. “He needs some time to think. He’ll be too sore this morning to sit a horse so he’ll have to stay home. I want him to stay in his room all day. Hop Sing can bring him his meals. Then tonight, I’ll have a talk with him.” He turned to look at this wife. “You and Little Joe still going in to town today?”

“Yes. I’d already promised Joe and Mrs. Cameron is expecting us. I’ll leave after breakfast and ride along with Hoss so he won’t have to ride to school alone.”

“That will be good,” Ben replied and then he sighed. “Let’s go get some breakfast. I’ll stop by and tell Adam he is staying home today.”

Ben opened the door to Adam’s room and looked in. Adam was sprawled on his stomach on top of the covers. His breathing was slow and even and Ben knew Adam was sleeping. He stepped back from the room and quietly closed the door. He didn’t want to wake him. He decided to leave instructions with Hop Sing. He had to get going if he intended to talk to Adam by the afternoon before Marie and the boys got home.

Adam looked down from his bedroom to the front yard. He had heard his father ride into the yard and speak to one of the ranch hands. Adam wanted to see if he could tell what mood his father was in. Hop Sing had told him that his father would be home by the afternoon. He’s seen Marie and Joe leave that morning along with Hoss as he rode his horse Cory and figured they’d be gone all day.

Adam could not tell about his father’s mood so he stepped away from the window. He didn’t want to be caught. He sighed a long tired sigh as he went back and lay on his stomach on the bed. He had dressed as best he could, but was definitely uncomfortable. When breakfast had arrived that morning, Hop Sing had handed him a small jar of salve that he sometimes used to treat burns or scrapped elbows and knees. Adam had applied it liberally and it did seem to take the sting out.

Adam has spent most of the day thinking. He tried to read but could not enjoy it. He could only think how he had disappointed his father. And for what? Just because he thought he was right in his argument with Marie? Adam seldom shed any tears, but a few had fallen earlier as he replayed last evening’s events. He and his father had always been able to talk. Always. And this silence now really was worse than the tanning he had received. It broke his heart not to be able to talk with this father.

Now all the waiting was over. All the anxiety he felt, all the unsurity was about to be over. He desperately wanted to heal the breach between the two of them. Adam heard the front door open and close and his stomach churned and his knees started to fail him. He had placed both of his pillows down on his bed and now gingerly seated himself and waited. It was a few moments before he heard the familiar footsteps on the stairs.

Ben stopped just outside Adam’s door. He’d waited all day for this moment. He couldn’t bear the breach between the two of them. There had never been one to this magnitude. Adam was always at his side. Always helping him make decisions, carry out plans. It has been a difficult day for him. He’d gone over in his head the things he knew he needed to talk to Adam about. He hoped he would be able to explain it so that Adam really understood why his behavior had been wrong. This, in essence, was the last father to child talk they would have. Adam was becoming a man, and he needed to begin behaving as such, and Ben would treat him as a man as well.

This time Ben knocked on Adam’s door and waited for a response. “It’s open,” Adam spoke as he stood and waited for his father to open the door, all the while keeping his eyes down Ben entered the room and shut the door behind him. He put his hands in his pockets and walked over to where Adam stood. He could hardly believe how tall Adam had gotten. Another year and they would no doubt be eye to eye. Ben pulled up a chair and instructed Adam to sit. He waited the few moments while Adam got settled. He still had not seen his son’s eyes.

“Look at me, Son,” Ben said gently. Adam raised his head and looked cautiously in to his father’s eyes. Ben saw remorse, regret, anxiety and fear. Adam saw…. He lowered his eyes again. Was it compassion that he saw? Ben didn’t ask Adam to look up again. “Son.”

“Yes, Pa?”

“Marie told me all about the argument that you and she had. She told me how disrespectful you were to her and she told me about the language you used.”

“Yes sir,” he answered. “I’m sorry about that sir. I’ll….. I’ll apologize to Marie, too.

Ben let out a heavy sigh. “Marie also told me something else about your argument. She told me that you were right.” Adam snapped his head up and stared unbelievably into his father’s eyes. “Yes Son. That’s right. Marie said that you were right in what you were saying.” Adam was silent so Ben continued. “Do you know why I punished you, Adam?”

“Because I was disrespectful,” he replied.

“That yes; but mainly because you were disrespectful when you were in the right.” Ben was silent for a moment, letting the words sink in. “You see, Adam, it’s not always proper to demand your own way when you are in the right. There are going to be times in your life that you will come upon circumstances where you are right, or your way of doing something is right, but you’ll have to hold your tongue or refuse to be drawn into a fight with someone who is bigger than you, smaller than you or even has a faster gun than you do. What it all amounts to is that you’re going to have to control your temper. You can’t go through life demanding your own way.” Adam shifted uncomfortably. Ben continued. “Adam, you’ve said that you want to be treated like a man, not a boy. I understand that and respect that. And I’ve decided that you are right.” Adam looked up. “From this moment on, I will treat you as a man. But it comes with a price. In the future if you disobey me, you won’t receive a tanning. That punishment is for boys. Instead, outside any normal arguments and discussion we have, I will treat you as a man, which means now you have to respect me not only as your father but also as administrator of this ranch. Simply, if you cannot conform to my directions, I will ask you to leave the ranch, just as I would any man who works for me.”

Adam looked away. He had not anticipated any of this and was unsure what his response should be. Ben pulled his chair closed to Adam’s. “I love you more than words can tell, Son. You’re my firstborn. You will always hold a special place in my heart. We’ve gone through so many things together. In fact, I love you more than life itself and I would do anything for you. I want you to know that it broke my heart to have to punish you the way I did. But I love you too much to allow you to grow up with wrong attitudes and behaviors.

Adam brushed a tear from his eye as he looked into his father’s dark brown ones. “I know, Pa. I love you. You have given up so much for me and I have been a whiney little baby about things all the while demanding to be treated as a man. I’m sorry, Pa. I really am. And it means so much for you to talk with me this way. I know I don’t always say it, but I respect you so much. I, uhm, I want to turn out like you one day, Pa.” Adam couldn’t help the three tears that escaped his eyes before he could regain his composure. Ben smiled at his son.

“You’re a fine son Adam. A fine son.” Ben stated then stood. “Do you think maybe before you begin your new Adam the man life that you could give your pa a hug?”

Adam slowly stood. “Yes sir, I believe I can do that,” he said smiling and leaned to give his father a hug. Never one to linger in a hug, Adam took a few more seconds to enjoy the new bonding with his father before he let go. As he did, Ben then offered his hand to his son for him to shake. Adam gladly took it and a new bond was created over the firm handshake. Ben turned to leave.

“If it’s okay with you, Pa. I’d like to stay up here for awhile tonight. I want to think about everything. And I want to practice what I want to say to Marie when I apologize to her.”

Ben smiled. He was seeing his son in a new light now. Oh, he knew there’d still be troubles and disagreements, but he knew that both of them had grown up in the last two days. He was proud of his son and he made a promise to himself to always remind Adam of that.

“Sure, Son. That’s fine. We’ll see you at supper?”

It was a question. Not the usual directive.

Adam grinned at his father. “Yes sir,” he answered. I’ll see you at supper.”

THE END.

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Author: Indyanna130

10 thoughts on “The Breach (by Indyanna130)

  1. I have to agree with some of the other comments on this story. I don’t see Ben ever being this hard on any of his children and I do feel that at 13, Adam is still a child.
    And anyway, why would Ben make the last time he physically punished Adam be so much more severe than any previous time? We don’t actually know what transpired between Marie and Adam, but I cannot believe it could have been anything that bad to be punished so harshly.
    We all know that corporal punishment was the recognised way to correct your children in the 19th century and we know from the show that Ben had tanned his boys, but to tell a 13 year old he was now a man and if he did something to annoy Ben he might ask him to leave, seemed rather extreme to me.
    Of course, I know you are free to portray Ben however you like, but it just does not equate with the Ben I watched and loved for 14 years.
    Little Joe forever

  2. A difficult moment in time when a boy crosses that bridge to manhood. You did a good job of showing both the father’s and son’s trepidation and realization that their relationship had just changed forever.

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