Always (by BluewindFarm)

Summary:  The days and weeks after one of the worst times on the Ponderosa culminates in a moment between father and son.  What should have happened.

Rating:  G  (625 words)

Author’s Note:  Inspired by the August 1, 2017 Pinecone Challenge.

Remembering Hoss Series:

Always
And I’ve Got Mine… (Until the Pain’s a Cloud of Dust)
What We Didn’t Choose
Momma Liked the Roses

From the song, Before you Accuse Me by Bo Diddley.  The prompt:  Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.

 

Always

“Before you accuse me.”  Green eyes glared, teeth gritted, bandaged hands twisted the axe handle as a way to control the anger.  ‘Take a look at yourself,’ went unvoiced.

Acknowledging the response, and knowing his boy left more unsaid.  No, no longer a boy.  If he accepted the truth, Joseph had become a man long ago; briefly, in his dalliance with Julia Bulette.  After her murder, Joe returned home and to being the youngest. He should have stayed a man, but his father and brothers, and Hop Sing to some degree, watched over him to make sure he didn’t succumb to his grief, and thus he became Little Joe once more.

The fury of the eyes now standing opposite Ben were reminiscent of the worst storms he’d survived during his years at sea.  Funny, he’d never realized the depth of anger they could harbor.

He thought their anger was bad when Adam had announced his intention to leave, to fulfill his own dreams, dreams that rivaled the Ponderosa in beauty and longing.  The boy’s resentment was fleeting.  But with the oldest son’s departure, Joe thrust himself into taking on the roles Adam had once managed.  And in doing so, his youngest took that final, permanent step into manhood.  A life-stage he came to realize had very little to do with age; more so the responsibilities one took on.

Life had ebbed and flowed like a river meandering across the land, always seeing out a better destination.

But the worst was yet to come — Joe returned home to learn his best friend, his brother had unexpectedly died.  This time, anger did not flicker out like a candle in the wind, not even hurricane-force gales could extinguish the burning ire.

Ben’s well of self-pity and loathing after Marie’s death paled in comparison to Joe’s behavior once their guests and their friends had departed following Hoss’ funeral.  The unpredictable irritation changed to a constant rage, and more often than not, there was no verbal warning; just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or a misspoken word resulted in a punch thrown.  Offering a prayer that the recipient had the self-preservation to stay down after the first hit; it was a foolish man who stood and suffered a further barrage of left hooks and right jabs.  Nothing he could say would change events while Ben watched the hands learn to give their employer a wide berth.

Yes, Joe was their employer.  Looking back, Ben realized Marie’s son had managed the running of the Ponderosa for years; having assumed control in such a way that Ben failed to realize he had willingly relinquished his place.

Joe’s their Boss, I’m Mr. Cartwright.

His son standing before him, hands lightly wrapped; a silent testament of their loss to either the side of the barn or maybe a tree.  He never said.  The night before Ben had watched over Dr. Martin’s shoulder as he cleaned and bandaged Joe’s hands.  Joe’s smile was a good-grace offering at accepting the physician’s chastisement that if his anger continued, he should put it to better use.

Guess Paul should have added, after his hands heal.

Overlooking the now dirty dressings, “I’m not accusing you of anything.” Ben approached, hands slipped into his pant pockets, “Just wanted to say your efforts will thrill Hop Sing when he sees all the split wood and kindling.”

Eyes softened, hands relaxed at hearing the heartfelt words; the first ray of hope that life could go on.  Looking at the amount of scattered wood, “Guess you could add Jamie too.  This was supposed to be his chore after school.”

“I’ll find him something else to do.”  Taking the axe and setting it aside, “Talk with me.”

With a hitch in his voice, “I miss him Pa.”

Enveloping his son in a tearful hug, “Always.”

 

~The END

Author’s Note:    And I’ve Got Mine…was the first story written, followed by Momma Liked the Roses, and What We Didn’t Choose, and lastly, Always in what has become known as my Remembering Hoss Series.  The Series is listed in chronological order.

 

Next Story in the Remembering Hoss Series:

And I’ve Got Mine… (Until the Pain’s a Cloud of Dust)
What We Didn’t Choose
Momma Liked the Roses

 

 

Tags: Ben Cartwright, Grief, Joe / Little Joe Cartwright, JPM

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Author: BluewindFarm

A dressage rider who's a cowgirl at heart. Though I wasn't old enough during the heyday of Westerns on TV, with the introduction of cable and satellite services in the 1980's, I fell in love with Bonanza, Lancer, The Big Valley, The Rifleman, and The Wild, Wild West, among others. Through syndication and fanfiction; our heroes will live on forever. I hope you enjoy reading the stories I've written, and look forward to reading your comments.

16 thoughts on “Always (by BluewindFarm)

  1. Though Dan has been gone for many years, he brought his portrayal of Hoss alive. So, even today, one can feel the loss felt by Hoss’s family and especially his little brother. This short story portrayed those emotions vividly.

    1. Chavel, I agree with your sentiment regarding Dan. It’s because his portrayal of Hoss was so endearing and the viewers were only provided with a brief glimpse of their grief, that I find myself writing these stories in an effort to mourn his loss. It’s heartbreaking to realize that they have all passed on.

      Thank you for taking a moment to read and to leave a comment.

    1. JF, the emotions were real enough that the ending was difficult to write. Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment.

    1. VM, I’m glad you enjoyed and could visualize the scene we were long denied. Thank you for reading and taking a moment to leave a comment.

  2. I love this extended version of the prompt. I already read your other story and you made me cry there. This was Joe all over and I could see him pummeling many things trying to work out his grief. I think this was such a raw moment in the show because it was real. I don’t know how they managed to film Forever.

    1. QF, I heard that due to the rawness of Dan’s death, the picture scene was all they could film. Though I do image many of their emotions over Dan’s passing came through in the scene between Ben and Joe at the burned out house. I’ll not say I’m sorry for making you cry, because I want company. Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment.

  3. Joe’s passions and emotions always ran in extremes and to lose someone as close as Hoss would have been the hardest to handle. I could easily see Joe this way – angry, hurting, broken-hearted and what to do about all those feelings but to react physically. That’s Joe. And always, Pa waiting quietly in the wings to be there at the right moment. The final scene brought a bit more healing (even now) after a the loss of Hoss (and Dan).

    1. AC, I think we both agree on how Joe would react, during the rawest part of his grief. I think this would be the first step and a story I had previously written, And I’ve Got Mine…, would be the next step in the healing process. Thank you for reading and for taking a moment to leave a comment.

  4. A moment that would have happened, at some point. Joe couldn’t have taken Hoss’s death lying down … and if there was just no one to fight, he would have found someone (or, something). A hard uphill climb for Ben and Joe — Hoss left such a big space behind.

    Thanks for writing.

    1. PSW – As close as the brothers were portrayed and as close as the actors were in real life, Dan’s death had to be terribly difficult to move past. Thank you for reading and taking a moment to leave a comment.

  5. Excellent vignette, BWF. Poignant and real. I hurt for Joe and can well imagine him working out his grief this way. Nice JPM at the end.

    1. JC, I love it when a prompt practically writes itself, as soon as I read the prompt I knew this would be a JPM story.

      I know the grief of Dan’s passing was too new and too raw for them to film anything other than the ‘picture scene’, but I’d like to think this might have happened had they a little more time, as well as my story, And I’ve Got Mine…

      Pinecone Challenge submissions have to be under 500 words, so I had to cut out a little bit to post in the Forums. Thank you for reading, and for taking a moment to leave a comment.

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