Chapter Thirty-Five

Trapper sat in his office reviewing the charts of his patients. He’d release Mrs. Baxter after he checked her sutures one more time. When he got to Marcus Jones’ chart, he sat back and read. His fever had broken over the weekend, and Gonzo had started easing him off the ventilator. At the rate he was going, the tube would come out in a few more days, and then Trapper would start reducing the sedation. As soon as he was off the ventilator, he’d order another lung x-ray. The incision where he had removed the kidney had been red, so he had ordered a topical antibiotic to fight off the local infection. It seemed Marcus was well on his way to recovery now.

When the telephone rang, Trapper didn’t answer immediately while he finished reading the last paragraph. Then he reached for the phone and pushed the flashing button. “Dr. McIntyre.”

“Hello, Trapper.”

“Ernie!” he said, laying the chart on his desk to give her his full attention. “How’s it going?”

“Not very well, I’m afraid. Monday, she only managed to collect some things she had on a list. The rest of the day, she sort of drifted from room to room. There are so many pictures of all of them hanging everywhere, so I spent the day packing those up for her. She took a few things from the children’s rooms and spent the rest of the day crying, and after that, she’d get up every now to go find something she remembered. Tuesday, she sat on the bed in the master bedroom most of the day, looking around the room. Today, she’s packed a few boxes; her jewelry, things out of the safe, John’s awards and certificates, some files where she kept the children’s art and awards and their refrigerator art. But she called an estate auction house, and she’s speaking to them now, so I assume she’s going to have them sell the rest.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea just yet. Maybe you can suggest she call David and discuss it with him before she decides.”

“That’s an excellent idea, Trapper. I’ll do that.”

“When are you planning to come back up?”

“We’re leaving tomorrow around noon, so that will put us back there around seven tomorrow evening. I’ll be back at work Friday.”

“Thank goodness. Dottie’s driving me nuts,” he grumbled. “Would you remind Leah she has appointments with Gonzo and David Friday? I’m afraid she might decide to hide at home after this.”

“I will. Hold on just a minute.” There was a pause with muffled voices in the background. “Trapper, Leah wants to speak with you.”

Creasing his brow, he removed his glasses and laid them on the desk. “She does?”

“Yes, hold on.”

“Trapper?”

“Hey, kiddo. How are you holding up?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.

Her voice was faint and unsteady. “I’m afraid I’m not getting much done.”

“You knew it would be hard,” he said in a deep, calming voice. “The house has been there for awhile. There’s no reason it can’t wait until you’re better able to deal with it.”

“I am dealing with it. I just spoke to a representative from an auction house that will come in and inventory everything, so I’ll have a list. They’ll ship everything to storage in San Francisco, and then I can take my time going through the list. That way, I can go ahead and put the house on the market.”

“That’s probably a good idea, but I have to admit; I didn’t think you’d be thinking so clearly.”

She snorted. “I’m really not when it comes to the things they left behind. But I’m paying a mortgage on a house I have no intention of ever seeing or living in again. I don’t have to be completely coherent to know that.”

“Ernie said you’ll be home tomorrow evening. Do you want some company?”

She was quiet for a moment before she answered and even then, her voiced was subdued. “Trapper…you have to stop rescuing me from this. I need to go through it all, however bad it might be.”

“You don’t have to go through it alone,” he quietly replied.

“I have appointments Friday. I’ll see you then, okay? Trapper?”

Puckering his lips, he decided he shouldn’t push it, especially over the phone. “I’ll see you Friday.”

“Bye,” she whispered and hung up the phone.

Trapper looked at the receiver and hovered it over the cradle of the phone for a second before he let it drop. He stared at it for a moment, and then got up and slowly fixed himself a cup of coffee.

***

Thursday evening, Ernie helped Leah move boxes from her car into her apartment. “Where shall we put these?” asked Ernie, standing in the door with a box in her arms.

“Over here, I think. Next to the laundry room,” Leah answered as she set a smaller box on the floor against a wall.”

Setting the box she carried down, Ernie said, “I’ll go bring up another.”

“That’s alright, Ernie. I’ll get one of the boys in the complex to help. There’s really only one more that I don’t want to leave in the car, and it’s small.”

The two ladies walked back down to the parking lot, and stopped at Ernie’s car. After unlocking her car door, Ernie turned and gave Leah a long, concerned look. “Are you sure you’ll be alright this evening? I can stay for awhile.”

“Thanks for going with me, Ernie. I’ll be alright. I’m just going to relax, and then go to bed early. I have to be at the hospital at eight tomorrow morning.”

“I still don’t feel like I did much for you.”

“Believe it or not, you did just by telling me what you went through after Muncie died. The first time I walked around the house, I couldn’t see how I was going to let anything go, but as we went through it all, you talked about what you did first, and then what you ended up doing, and that made all the difference in the world. It made me think in the long term and stop dwelling on what I’d lost. I can’t keep everything. I know it. And there’s really no reason to. It’ll just sit in a storage unit until I’m old and gray, and then it will become someone else’s problem…only there’s no one else to inherit it.” Stepping forward, she hugged Ernie, and Ernie returned the hug just as tightly.

“Come by the nurse’s station tomorrow and let me know how your appointments went.”

“I will. Listen, if you happen to talk to Trapper, tell him I’m okay. I have a feeling he’s going to look for an excuse to drop by, and I’d rather not have any company tonight.”

Stepping into her car, Ernie closed the door and rolled down the window, taking Leah’s hand and squeezing it. “I’ll tell him when he calls. I’m sure he will.”

Leah waved as Ernie backed her car out of the parking space and left the lot. Opening her car door, she took out a small box, locked the car and climbed the stairs to her apartment. She set the box on the coffee table in front of the sofa, and then went back to throw the bolts, but stopped midway at the sound of a knock on her door.

Bending her head so that her forehead met the door, she took a moment to take a deep breath, and blow it out slowly. “Who is it?” she asked in an annoyed tone of voice.

“It’s Mark. I just wanted to see how you’re doing and if you need anything.”

She let her head fall backward and looked up at the ceiling, laughing to herself in frustration. Turning the bolts much harder than she had just thrown them, she stopped for another calming breath before she opened the door, and managed to present a smile. “I’m fine, Mark, and I have everything I need. I was just going to relax; reflect for a little while and then go to bed.”

“Are you angry with me?”

Closing her eyes, she realized she was stiff as a board and let her shoulders drop a little. “No, I’m not angry with you. Come on in.” She stepped aside, holding the door open while Mark entered. “Have a seat,” she said, motioning toward the sofa. After she closed the door, she settled in front of him, sitting on the coffee table with her legs crossed, and leaning forward with her arms loosely crossed on her knee. “Mark,” she started, scratching her neck before she looked up at him, “Your feelings have put both of us in an awkward position. I don’t like the uneasiness that’s developed between us. I considered you my best friend; someone I could talk to about anything.”

“But you don’t now?”

“How can I, knowing how you feel about me? Some of the things I might say to you could hurt you, and maybe I’ve already hurt you. But Mark, we would never work. I may only be a few years older than you, but I’m much older mentally and emotionally. At your age, you should be thinking about a wife and having children. I’m way beyond that.” Bowing her head, she said sadly, “Even if I could start over, I don’t see that it’s possible. Having lost my children, I don’t think I would ever risk that kind of hurt again by bringing more children into the world.”

“You don’t know that. It could just be too soon.”

“You’re not hearing me. I can’t. Heart recipients don’t have children. It’s too risky. And even if I was inclined to do so, I simply can’t. I had my tubes tied a couple of years back. Besides that, you should be going out and having a life beyond what you do for a living. The longer you wait on me, the more time you’ve lost. You’ll be waiting on me until we’re both too old and decrepit to do anything but sit in a rocker all day. And then, there’s your job. Do you really want to be working for me the rest of your life just so you can stay close? You’re ready to do it all on your own. You don’t need me anymore.”

Mark sat still, just listening with his head slowly lowering. He looked back up into her eyes. “Am I hearing that one of us will be leaving?”

“No. Not immediately. But when this implementation is done, I’m recommending that you be given your own project and your own staff.”

“That’ll put us in different cities.”

“Well, we can call…or write. But I won’t be seeing you under any circumstance other than as friends or co-workers.”

Mark nodded and stood. “I’ll take what I can get.” Walking toward the door, he stopped and turned. “I know you won’t like this question, but I have to know. If Dr. McIntyre wasn’t in the picture would it be different?”

She laughed. “If we only had a crystal ball.” Walking to him, she took his hands in hers. “No. Whatever I feel for Dr. McIntyre, and I have no idea what that is…sometimes it’s frightening more than anything…anyway, whatever that is, it wouldn’t change that fact that I don’t have those kinds of feelings for you. I do love you, but not that way. And if you think about it, it just supports what I told you about where each of us is in our lives. He’s older, he’s mature, he’s settled, and his children are in college.”

“He’s like John was.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, she looked away for a moment. “Not quite. John and I were still very much involved with our children and were going to be for some time. Our extracurricular activities were designed around them. Besides having each other, our children were our lives. Dr. McIntyre is beyond that.”

“He’s John, and he’s safe.” Her brows creased. Her confidence, shaken. “Look, I’m not saying this for the sake of this conversation, but more so for you to think about what is right for you. Are you prepared to give up what you currently do for children? And if not, is he going to stick around when he realizes he has to share you?” He bent down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you in the next couple of days. You look good. I’m betting Dr. Gates will release you to come back to work,” he said as he walked through the door, closing it behind him.

Leah threw the bolts again and leaned back against the door. She hadn’t really considered where things were going with Trapper. Maybe it was time she did.